One of my favorite themes in writing is the redemption of the human race. I have seen this done well and done poorly, and each time it adds to the mulch that I move around in my brain, contemplating as I strive to find meaning in writing and also in my own life. I think everyone has their own search for identity, and for me it has a lot to do with who we are as a species. Terrible acts are committed every day, and I am not exempt from acting out of cowardice or jealousy or any manner of petty emotions. But the thing that gives me hope is the belief that we are reedemable, not through any act of divinity, but through our actions.
It's interesting to bring this subject up because at the outset I sound pretty religious. It makes me feel funny and small because I know that I am not the only one who has asked themselves if we deserve to live, to survive, to subjugate and to save. Obviously we have several religions that cover that ground. And for awhile, I counted myself as part of that machine. I didn't believe in God because I felt a need to feel larger, I believed because I agreed with what he had to say most of the time. But as must happen to anyone who consciously goes about their existence, I eventually came to an impasse with my beliefs. It may sound egotistical, but the one thing I couldn't agree on (and I suppose I can thank Ayn Rand for this) was that I was born with original sin. You see, the entire premise of Christianity is that we are born sinners. We were evil to begin with and we needed God to redeem us and make us whole again. I just couldn't consent to the idea that I was born evil. I felt tied to Christianity because I felt that I was worth something, but not because someone else gave it to me.
Now I am the worst kind of sinner because I believe that I was born a hero, that I am capable of great heroic deeds, and that no one can give that to me, or take it away. I am redeemed, because my aim is to do great things, to be a positive force, and to love those around me the best way possible. Sometimes, I fail, and sometimes I fail even more. But I was never destined to fail. It was always my choice, and I always have another choice to bring me back to where I want to be.
So now that those beliefs are out of the picture, where do I turn to in order to find answers? I find them everywhere, in little things, tiny segments broken up over the span of space and time, that add up together to one whole. Sections of conversation and interaction, snippets of songs and stories. My belief is quilted together with pieces that shouldn't fit together but somehow do. I believe in myself, and I believe in our species because of a million little things I have witnessed. We are not born good or bad, but we can choose to be great or terrible. I choose greatness.
The whole thing might sound egotistical but I am used to people thinking that about me. I am privy to the same insecurities as the rest of you. The difference is that I believe I was made to fit a mold of greatness, and every day I aspire to change and evolve until I can fit it completely. It's not the model of a God, but of the best possible person I can be. I will work my whole life to fill that space, but I will do it willingly, and joyfully.
And mostly, I believe in us because of what we tell ourselves when we are not paying attention. Lyrics to cheesy songs that are easily dismissed:
I get knocked down, but I get up again. You're never going to keep me down.
Silly I know. But think about it. This is exactly what makes humans so great. We fail. Some of us fail and then we're done. But many of us get up and try again. We try and try and hammer away until we get it right. We've been doing it for thousands of years and we will continue to do it for thousands of years. We fail, but we try again. We'll try again until we get it right. We are all trying for greatness, yearning and searching and reaching for it. It's lovely, and it's why I love being alive.
